A Freak Speaks

So I was having a conversation about “evil” corporations the other day, and while I agree for the most part that they’re pretty evil, it actually shocked me that an intelligent human being would not only hate them for what they do, but also for some things that are utter garbage (as in, not things that they actually do)

The example in question was McDonalds

There were two particularly blatantly false accusations that left me unsure whether to laugh, or just fall over dead from shock

#1 - Brazilian rain forests are being destroyed to make room to raise the cattle for the beef McDonalds serves (McDonalds uses local suppliers for all their meat and produce, regardless of where they’re located. If local is not available, they bring the supplies in from the closest local supplier - Japan likely imports from New Zealand or China)… Maybe McDonalds Brazil is guilty of this, but they would be the only one.

#2 - the company that supplies the beef to McDonalds is called “100% Pure Beef” (considering that the company uses different suppliers in different regions, this is not only fallacious, but it’s beyond stupid to actually believe this. Using local suppliers keeps costs down. If they actually used one brazilian supplier, they wouldn’t have a $1 Double Cheeseburger anywhere… more like $14). If you obtain a beef patty from McDonalds, and thaw it, it will fall apart, because they use no additives or binding agents - take the lump of loose beef to a lab and have them test it, they will confirm this every time.

There are certainly plenty of reasons to hate corporations, including the habit they have of damaging local business, but seriously?

Make shit up all you like, but don’t be so dense as to believe it.

So driving down the street the other day with my roommate, and this song comes on the radio.

some gravel voiced self important cow who has a knack for catchy pop songs, that actually sound like rap songs in a lyrical sense – they’re all about her… I’m this, I’m that, don’t mess with me, I’m tough… shit like that…

apparently she’s smart, successful and well liked

which is cool. I don’t personally like anything she does, but that’s a personal opinion, and people are more than welcome to disagree

what she isn’t, which she claims in this song, is a “Rock Star”

great

a pop diva with NO rock in her claiming she’s a rock star… whoo.

fuck her.

actually, no, she’s not an attractive human being.

only not

Welcome to my world… it’s an odd little world, full of interesting people and strange quirks, and plenty of things to smile about. There are a few things that could be classified as “annoying”, but for the most part, it’s a good world.

I like people who are happy to be who they are, and not afraid to be different.

Why be unique like everyone else, when you can be unique like yourself?

I dislike mind games, I don’t play them.

I dislike… well, beyond the mind games, there isn’t much in this world I dislike. Rap maybe (don’t call it music, it’s not)… but even that is an art form, and takes a lot of talent.

ahh well

home from work, ready for bed.

to be continued.

So… this coming Tuesday we Canadians have an election.

Now, I don’t want to influence anyone, and I’m not going to tell you who I’m voting for (personal choice, right to privacy and all that) but I am going to tell you who I’m not going to vote for, and why.

I’m a Canadian - I like being Canadian.

That, in itself, has plenty of meanings… here are a few.

Canada is a country that helps keep the peace. We don’t fight in an aggressive sense unless we absolutely have to - if our freedom was at stake, we would, but we don’t need to overthrow dictators, or fix the problems of the world. When there are problems, and we go, it’s to maintain peace, and be helpful.

Canada is a safe haven for American soldiers who’ve decided that war is not for them, for whatever reason - be they cowards, or people who’ve realized that they’re being asked to do something unjust, unjustified, cruel and unusual, or whatever the case may be. There are plenty of good reasons to leave the military, and when their government disagrees, they can come here and not fear persecution.

Canada is a country where the citizens don’t need to worry about what it might cost to see a doctor, and if something bad happens and you end up in the hospital, you don’t need to worry about a bill

Canada is a country that stands up for its own citizens - if someone is charged and convicted of a crime in another country, we want to bring that person home, to serve whatever time they deserve… if we can’t we make sure that they aren’t subjected to punishment we don’t believe in (ie. the death penalty - which we do not use or endorse as a nation)

4 examples of what Canada stands for (I’m not going to bring up things like hockey, or beer… they’re not relevant to what I want to say)

all 4 are examples of things that are changing under Steven Harper.

He wanted us to go and fight in Iraq. If it was his choice, we would have been there, with the US, overthrowing tyranny by plunging a country into civil war, and causing more needless death than the dictator could have ever dreamed.

He’s okay with Canadians being executed abroad.

Have you BEEN to an emergency room lately? They may not ask for money, but really, the service they provide isn’t WORTH any money. They’re slow, and they’re ineffective.

He’s alright with deporting those soldiers, you know, the ones who came to Canada to avoid killing needlessly, and are afraid of their own government.

He’s a terrible human being.

and if he gets the majority government he so desires, what we see as Canada? That’s not his vision - he wants us to be the obedient little sibling of the US - rather than a small population with the balls to say “No, this isn’t right - we don’t like that you’re doing it, and we don’t want to be involved.”

Canadian soldiers will support the US in everything they do.

Canadians will lose.

If there’s one thing that I believe, and I believe it strongly - Steven Harper is NOT the man we want in charge of our country - George W. Bush junior does NOT stand for Canada. He’s a lousy human being with a vision that defies everything this nation is supposed to be, which is an independent peaceful nation that is more about negotiation than intimidation, more about kindness than catering to our neighbors.

Stand up with me, and say you love Canada - and do it by voting AGAINST the conservative party of Canada, because Canada does not deserve to be what the right honourable (not.) Steven Harper thinks it should be.

I’ve been told many interesting things about myself… which is normal I imagine, although, not many of those things are normal.

I skate through life, putting very little effort into anything at all. Yet… oddly, somehow everything always works out for me.

People assume I get laid a lot, which isn’t true. Honestly, most of the time I could care less about “gettin some”

Anyways, I woke up this morning and realized something that disturbs me immensely - like… shakes me to my core.

I have no ambition.

I have no goals.

I have no interests.

I have no ANGER.

WTF?

In the past, I’ve always had something that got me going, riled up, interested.

Always had something I wanted, some place I was eager to see, someone I wanted to include in my life.

Nothing.

Is it wrong that this bothers me?

I have no urge to upgrade my computer, to take a road trip, to meet a new girl.

I don’t have a financial objective.

If nothing happened for the next 30 years, I’d be okay with that…

and I’m NOT okay with that. I don’t know what got into my head, or how I became so disinterested with living… one too many letdowns maybe.

My life isn’t easy by any stretch, although I never really have anything to worry about - somehow things DO work out, but what works out is the bare minimum. Granted, a LOT of people on this earth live at far below what I would consider the bare minimum, even in the 1st world, but should this be enough?

If I can have the bare minimum without ever trying… what could I have if I tried?

Would I still be a fat bastard with a room that’s missing a wall and a door?

Could I own my own house, have a wife who cares, have children who look up to me?

People who I’d worry about letting down, and make more effort?

What is it like to be passionate about things?

What is it like to give a flying fuck about something?

Why don’t I?

Maybe it’s becoming clearheaded again after being sick - stupid flu had me down for over 2 weeks… but really - where do I look to find the things I’m missing?

Or am I missing anything at all… I really don’t know.

WTF is the point??

I went through a period of emotional turmoil the first half of this year… happiness, joy, excitement, the future looked bright and I was giddy and nervous.

everything went to shit, and I was confused and angry and frustrated, with occasional moments of clinging hope…

now?

nothing.

I’m still me, but I have nothing… no emotional output at all.

Not happy or sad or excited or anything - just tired.

it’s all blank

blah.

at one point I cared, but that’s passed now

In 5.5 hours, I’ll be on the highway headed to Calgary for the long weekend

A few days to NOT think about being unemployed, about the girl who fucked me over, about how badly I reacted to that… poor thing.

Plans as follows…

Tim Hortons in: Kamloops, Salmon Arm, Revelstoke, Golden

Apparently the lemon baked goods are gross, so I’ll avoid those.

when we arrive in Calgary, I’m going to pass out and sleep.

Then going to get some Viet for lunch, going to the Back Alley on Saturday night…

Brunch Sunday at 1410 on 17th Avenue just off 14th Street

Live music on Sunday night - not sure the venue… and probably going to check out the Rusty Cage as well…

Monday, drive home.

then?

Find a job - I need another 2000 bucks, or the September Long Weekend is going to be a writeoff/shitshow, because I’ll have no money to pay bills, or pay for food and accommodations. I’m getting pretty worried actually

I’ve been an ass, I really have.

it’s funny, there are a few people who know what I’m like when I get really psyched about something… excited, thrilled, a touch obsessive.

Never, I think, threatening…

You’d have to hurt someone I love a lot very badly to make me violent… well, except for in a playful way… and even that is rare.

but you have to do something above and beyond uncalled for before I get mean under most circumstances.

And I was

AND… it was, while unfair

it was NOT uncalled for.

I hate being mean… I hate causing pain… not saying I never do or never have, that would be a lie… but I hate it.

And after all these years, I can still count the number of people I’ve hurt on my hands. I can count the number of people I’ve hurt that I loved on one hand.

My mother for one… I was a wonderful son until maybe 16 years of age… and then again after 25. I had a bit of a bad stretch

My ex-wife… I was a terrible husband, and while I knew that at the time, I didn’t know how bad.

My ex-girlfriend… I was a shit boyfriend, some of the time, and the way I ended it was spineless and terrible.

And her. I expected more than she was emotionally capable of giving, I asked more than she was mature enough to give, and I said things that, while I believe them to be true, I don’t know the background well enough to know the reasons… I don’t know if she’s really to blame for her lack of whatever it is she’s lacking. And those things were cruel… true or not.

I don’t know why I’m still on about this… probably because I want to make it right.

Because while I no longer expect anything, I don’t want that person that was so wrong to be her last memory of me, blacking out the good memories she might have - I know there are some, but I don’t know that they stand out all that much.

I’d like to think I’m a decent person… not a good person, by any stretch of the word, but not cruel, or mean, or spiteful by nature.

I could give more, care more, stand up for things more, fight for things more… oddly, she’d probably be shocked to find out how I’ve given up on things in the past, because I did the opposite with her. I fought tooth and nail, and struggled, and pushed and did everything I could think of… not in my nature… usually I just sit by and let things slip away. I don’t care about much enough to hold on tight.

And no matter what I do, nothing changes what I did, and said

And that’s very hard to live with, because it’s not me…