A Freak Speaks

Sometimes… just sometimes… an idea pops into my head.

So sue me – I’m not always the sharpest knife in the drawer… I’m socially awkward, and I rarely manage to express my feelings honestly. I work out in my head exactly how I want things to sound, how I feel, what I want… and then I open my mouth, and what comes out is completely different.

And I hear people say things, on TV, in movies, or in other relationships – things like “Nobody will ever love you like I do” or some such… crap basically. It’s the things people say when they’re hurt and scared, and it’s not real – obviously some people think it’s real, but it never is. Those are the words of a coward trying to scare someone into being with them, or staying with them.

The best part of a real relationship?

Knowing that someone is there because it’s what they actually, honestly want.

When someone wants to be there, you don’t have to worry about them running around on you, or betraying you – because they already have who they want, and they’re happy about it.

Just simply knowing, and letting someone else know that you have what you want, and you’re happy?

Why do I suck at that? Why do so many people suck at that?

Relationship or no, marriage even – people aren’t property – they’re a blessing… and finding ways to make them happy that you’re want they want – showing them that they’re what you want – that is what a real, healthy relationship is about.

Someone who’s afraid and threatened and unsure of what they have – it breeds jealousy and anger, and even violence.

If you’re with someone who would hurt someone for looking at you sideways – run for your life, seriously, because if they were really worth being with, they’d know better – they would know that what other people do is not the least bit important, because the only thing that matters is how the person they’re with feels.

And frankly, if the person I’m with doesn’t want to be with me?

They shouldn’t be.

And no amount of jealousy, or anger can fix or change that – if I’m with someone it’s because I want to be with them, and I want them to be happy – and if someone else makes them happier, then I’d rather they be with that someone else.

That’s what love is about – caring more about how someone else feels than how you feel… Wanting them to be the happiest they can be, even to the point of not being what makes them that way.

But always striving to be the best you can, and finding ways to let them know they matter, and what they want is important.

Any yeah – hoping that they want that with you – but if it comes down to it, being graceful if what they chose isn’t you.

Jealousy is for douchebags.

And, to be honest, I’ve been that douchebag before. But it will never happen again, because it’s dishonest, it’s cruel, and it’s unkind to someone you claim to love.

Here, my friends, is to never being that douchebag.

Cheers!

Okay, maybe it’s not JUST conservatives – but something that I’ve noticed a lot of, and it irks me, is people who insist on being blantantly wrong, just to prove they have faith in what they’ve been taught.

People who will defend a position even when actual evidence that they are wrong exists in such a way that no reasonable being would even consider attempting to dispute it.

One of the things I like most about how I am as a person is, if someone proves me wrong, it pleases me – not because I like to be wrong (hate it, thanks), but because it means I’ve learned something new.

I can’t even begin to comprehend the concept that, in the face of concrete, factual evidence, someone would write the evidence off as something as silly as “liberal conspiracy”

I mean, fact and evidence are what they are – just blaming something on a conspiracy when the facts don’t support your point of view is foolhardy… it’s not like anyone will ever come up with any facts that will disprove religion and completely shatter your worldview – same as nobody will ever have any physical proof that it’s correct… it’s simply not possible… but things that can be proven?

suck it up, call it a learning experience

Well, gotta say living in the Olympic City is a treat.

I haven’t had nearly as much fun as I did in 88 in Calgary, but having a job and such make a difference in the time I have – which is not much at all.

The anarchist douchebags (idiots dressed in black smashing windows and knocking over newspaper boxes) were pretty much a HUGE waste of space – I mean, protest is fine as long as it remains peaceful, but those morons were just looking to break stuff. In doing so, they damaged the credibility of all the peaceful protesters as well.

Stoked on hockey

I love the fact that for a low low price of 6 billion dollars (a large chunk of which is earned back), you get some great events, bring together hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world, and get to show the world that winter in Vancouver really isn’t very cold… Texas gets more snow than Vancouver does :

Sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough.

Not always sure that my self esteem is what it should be… sometimes I think it’s too high

I mean… I’m overweight, and underperform a lot of the time – I should be better

Now, go have a look at some boobs (greatest things on earth@!) and give to a good cause!

http://our-boobs.blogspot.com/

How the HELL did Letterman convince Leno to do a commercial for his show?

Time goes by way too fast, and I see my friends far too infrequently.

So.

To all of you – I love ya!

I lose track of time, and myself sometimes, but regardless, you’re all in my mind, and my heart (you know.. squishy red muscle, pumps blood all over the body?)

If I could think of one simple thing I could do to make my life better, it would be to have more of all of you in my day to day life.

Sadly, I’m stuck here – not in a great position to go anywhere right now, for a variety of reasons – but hey, feel free to come out – we’ve only had 2cm of snow this winter and the leaves started budding in January this year

It’s hard to believe I’ve been living on the coast for more than 5 years – it’s pretty shocking in some ways, seems like only yesterday we were loading the U-Haul for the trip to the coast, with no money and no place to go…

Went to Arby’s for lunch today

GOD DAMN

They have a Roast Beef Gyro that’s pretty much to die for – highly recommend it to anyone

other than that, not much to report… only 4 episodes left and I’ve seen every episode of Stargate ever made (that’s 15.5 seasons between SG1, Atlantis and Universe, and 3 movies so far… I started watching in December)

AND… We decided to hire Bark Busters to train us (you get the impression that they’re going to train your dog, but really they train you on how to properly train your own dog)

and on that note… I’m off to pretend I have a life! (take a dreamy nap)

The last couple years have been, for me, a rebuilding process.

The goal?

Get out of debt, get some savings established, get re-established as an independent entity.

It’s been a struggle, to say the least – but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The hardest part is, with the hours I work, and the hours I sleep, it’s very difficult to stay connected… and when I do, I’ve been doing so little, besides working and sleeping, that I really don’t have a lot to talk about.

I’m feeling more than a little disconnected from the reality that some would call a “life”

I’d like to make more of an effort to reconnect with people I care about, but they mostly have “real” lives these days, that would make 4am phone calls something to be discouraged… and then there’s the distance factor – 1000km is actually a pretty long distance it would appear.

All of this has led me to lead a very, very introverted existence – I mean, I’ve caught up on TV shows I missed, I’ve seen a lot of movies, but really, I haven’t done much. I went into this phase thinking that, after a couple years of disconnect, I’d come out the other side with better means to reconnect in a meaningful way, without being weighted by all the mistakes I’d made over previous years.

Of course, that may never work… but I’m getting closer to the point where I’ll be able to at least try.