Also subtitled Homeland Security Sucks.
So the other day I made one last run for the border – shopping for some stuff that I know is going to end up being more expensive, or unavailable when I get back to Calgary. A border trip from Calgary is a 4-6 hour commitment each direction, so not nearly as simple.
I picked up a nice crock pot (20 bucks), lots of cheese, a nice set of knives, some cereal, parts and refills for my electric razor, and all kinds of assorted cheaper things.
But really, this entry isn’t about why I went, or what i did while I was there, it’s about what happened while I was crossing the border.
While we were sitting in line, waiting to get through the crossing, the border guard slapped an nicer orange piece of paper on the windshield of the car – essentially an invitation to come inside, have a seat, and wait for them to search your car. Awesome.
Except for one thing – the answer I received when I asked a simple question.
“Excuse me, is there a washroom I can use inside?”
and the answer. NO.
okay, well, I’m doing a dance, because I can barely hold it – maybe this’ll go fast, right?
Over the course of the next 10-15 minutes, I danced, asked no fewer than 5 people if I could use the washroom, to the same answer.
By the time I got up to the desk to talk to the security guy, I was dancing through filling out the form… finished it… asked again
“No, no public washrooms”
I sighed.
doing a little dance, when the unthinkable happened. Standing in the middle of a room full of people.
I sprung a leak.
It wasn’t a full on, floor wet, totally soggy situation, but I was sporting a bright spot on the crotch of my pants, and feeling rather embarrassed. To make it worse, I still had to go, badly – that little leak maybe bought me 2-3 minutes… I headed for the door, knowing full well they’d probably throw me in a holding cell or something, but if I was going to full on piss myself, I’d much rather do it outside.
I heard a voice
It was the man who’d most recently told me no
Him: “What’s going on sir?”
Me: “Oh, you know… just pissed my pants, and it’s about to get a lot worse, thanks for asking”
Him: “Through that door – if it’s open, you can use it.”
Seriously. An unlocked door I had been standing right beside the entire time. Opened it, washroom…
I was not amused – MUCH relieved, and much damper than I was comfortable with, but no longer suffering from explosive bladder issues.
I was about 2 seconds from just full on pissing my pants right there with a smile on my face, it was so bad.
Of course, then I would have needed to buy some new pants as well…